Sometimes, I Wish the Conspiracies Were True

This is from what seems to be an SDA website called The Trumpet. Most of my friends know that I am a huge fan of whackjob conspiracy theories. Sometimes, though, they strike a real chord other than irrepressible laughter. Such is the case with this masterful work by Mr. Ron Fraser.

So, in case you didn't know, here are some of the downright scandalous items that our current Vicar of Christ is planning:

As Benedict XVI advances toward completing his fourth year in office, he continues to impress with “the surprises of a conservative” as he steadily continues on his unswerving course toward his ultimate goal of uniting Europe under the crusading cross of the religion of Rome. The underlying theme is his crusade for Roman Catholicism to become the singular great moral and spiritual force in the world.

Ok.

Ever the master diplomat, Benedict set out early in his pontificate to wage a cultural war on four broad fronts: the complete eradication of post-Vatican ii liberalism from the Catholic priesthood; the defense and the revival of Europe’s Catholic heritage in a drive for its dominance over secularism; the rollback of Muslim penetration of Europe; the war against communized pagan societies that resist the church’s global crusade for the universal conversion of mankind to the dogma of Catholicism.

Right.

No doubt with the technology the Vatican now has at its disposal, Benedict went on to state that the spirit of that which he termed the church’s missionary impulse, the gospel according to Rome, “must be proclaimed from the rooftops, to the ends of the Earth.” That is crusading language that has to stick in the craw of every competing religionist who espouses a gospel other than that of Rome, especially Islamist crusaders and those secularists who increasingly find themselves fighting on the back foot to resist the Vatican’s steady incursion into European society.

No sure how much of an incursion there has been, but we can certainly hope for that.

Mr. Fraser mixes a bunch of other stuff that goes slightly far afield, tying together Catholic social doctrine, the Holy Roman Empire, the recent global economic problems, the End of Days, and the Pope's next encyclical. Some of it makes sense. Most serves as a bad punchline. However, the best part is the alarmism associated with the above snippets, as though this sort of stance is some kind of secret or something that no other pope has ever thought about.

Coming soon- Next president vows to resolve nation's economic woes! War breaks out in Middle East! Francisco Franco Still Dead!