All Dogs Go To The Episcopal Church

Hilarity ensues in Danvers, MA.

A Massachusetts church is scheduled to launch a new monthly worship service — for dogs. Calvary Episcopal Church will offer later this month its first "Perfect Paws Pet Ministry" aimed at giving area pooches and their owners improved odds at getting canines into heaven. The Danvers church plans to hold the service on the third Sunday of every month, complete with communion for the humans and special blessings for pets. Dogs will get special treats.

Monthly services. Wow. I can't even get a monthly TLM in this whole deanery. Does that mean that this church gives more consideration to its dogs than my own hierarchy thinks of me? Throw me a bone here, guys!

(rimshot)

Just a minute, though. What is this?

Church officials said well-mannered, leashed dogs are invited.

This is a complete distortion of the Gospel. Those who are well don't need a physician, right? So saith The Master. Why are the unruly dogs being excluded? Are we just content in letting them be damned?

OUTRAGE!!

I probably shouldn't get so worked up. Before this is all over, they very well might be consecrating them as bishops.